who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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