I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The Olympian is in my bed
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