I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
