fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's just like the Real World with babies
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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