Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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