Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize