Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
