...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
