Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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