DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I smell stomach acid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
