i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
