Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
