Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
