My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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