I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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