he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize