Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
