did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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