New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
