I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
