It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize