Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
