you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
