after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
