you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
