At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
