I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
