How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I forget how to act sober
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
