never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
