she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it because I queefed?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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