i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
