Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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