If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
