Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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