I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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