i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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