we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
