The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
