Small penises have feelings too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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