i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
