I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
