it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
