im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
