woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
