pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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