4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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