she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They are going to name an STD after you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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