i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
