I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
