Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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