Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
