the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
BRING THE BAGELS
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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