SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
