also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't deserve a penis
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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