I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
