So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
