Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
