What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize