I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
