so explain again why im purple
no
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
