In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize