Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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