like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
