I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
