"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
