I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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