I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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