I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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