Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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