Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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