Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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