hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
