Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
