Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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