Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
