Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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