i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
