i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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