I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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