so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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