I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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