I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
