Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
